Dated 11/21/2003
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Schools Crashed Big Time ...
Crap ... .
You gotta figure Nobodys gonna hire
"uncontrolled hypertension - no medical reason".
So why ? ? ? ? ? ?
Mail has Crashed !
E mail has Crashed !
Phone has Crashed !
I supose the "Holidays" are here ...
Great, well fuck me ...
I wanted this semester worse than any.
I thought I had found a purpose here.
Guess not ...
Wrong again ...
Mom's message sez: "I have mail" ..from the prosecutors office !
Great, here we go again ... hang on!
I haven't opened it ... not gonna.
Dated 10/13/2003
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Hi !
Today I added some to the previous days entry. As I read it thru I realized just what was buggin' me.
So I added the
"I built a back patio this year too !
Yes by myself ... a 2 day job that took over a week but I did my own measuring, cutting and assembling !
Yes, Good Job Dave !
I needed that, to put a little confidence or belief in my own ability.
After years of hearing evidence to the contrary.
Here I gotta laugh cause of the Dr.s "possible diminished capacities" or "of diminished capacity" !
Man, ya know what that does to someones ... self esteem, ego too !"
Hey today I saw a vidio of me and I am One "UGLY FUCKER" !
Sorry but true ! So I am going to work on it a bit and see how the system responds.
I know but I think I really need the lift ...
Dated 10/10/2003
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I have had no less than 3 students who sit behind me tell me ...
No- ask me about the scar on the back of my neck.
Huh ? Scar ? ...
I had her touch it you know follow it to show me.
It runs down just behind my left ear. Ah Ha !
Just as I thought. My Headaches are in the same location.
So now I am re-thinking the ponytail thing.
Oh, yes I have my hair in a ponytail now !
But I don't want to show off any scars ...
The ear-ring is plenty !
Oops, I mean "Dog Tag" ...
Tells who I belong to !
It is a small crusifix. Cool huh !
Anyway I don't look anything like the picture from my first life !
And I 'm thinking about growing the mustache again !
What a Rebel !
Oh Well, the warm summer days are about over and I will have to put "Violator" inside !
Yes in the house !
Being a Big, Bad Biker Boy is about to take a seasonal back seat to Mr. Conformist for the "School of Business" !
Grass cutting season is almost over and I have done my own grass for "all year" !
By Myself ! That is a confidence builder!
I built a back patio this year too !
Yes by myself ... a 2 day job that took over a week but I did my own measuring, cutting and assembling !
Yes, Good Job Dave !
I needed that, to put a little confidence or belief in my own ability.
After years of hearing evidence to the contrary.
Here I gotta laugh cause of the Dr.s "possible diminished capacities" or "of diminished capacity" !
Man, ya know what that does to someones ... self esteem, ego too !
Dated 10/03/2003
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I can not do this ...
I can't stand the story but I can't continue this way either ...
This has got to stop ...put on "Hold" ...!
I have got to pick myself up here ...
Concentrate on School You need it !
You have got to get a hold on this before it gets to be too late again !
You have a history of not knowing when it's too late till it is "Too Late" !
This is in No Way where this should end !
Dated 9/27/2003
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Man, I think this page is working on me !
I am not enjoying this as much as I should.
I get to feeling ill ...
You should see what has happened here statistics wise !
Shits happenin'!
June and July were busts as stats go.
I knew and expected some problems, like the server problems.
But this site went from a 190 hits to a 1800 hits, still just a personal thing.
Now a 6000 hits per month !
So in 2 months I go from 190 to 6000 !
I need to go thru here and label and credit stuff. details.
I wasn't ready to do that but it seems like the hit count is forcing it.
Don't get me wrong here ...
It is a good thing as such.
I just wish the story were different at this point.
But I think my site is being passed around too soon.
Yup, good ol' nieve Dave still tries to hold till there is a good ending or such for this thing.
I mean somewhere ....
But if I am the only one still trying and I quit then, umm ....
Ha, Whats the use ?
So should I do unto others as they have done ...?
These people, like they have ... do ...
Man, Sorry, I can't do that !
Hey, I have been going across the street to home football games and shooting video of the pregame stuff !
Usually takes it out of me and I don't stay for the games, I should stay.
But this stuff is cool and I am learning the intricasies of video for internet purposes, cool !
I would like to put the vids on my sapphire site and use the avi files, they have the best quality.
Ya know ? My first class in MIS was the 475 class - e commerce.
This was the first time I had a test that didn't get me sick and I aced the class totally.
I mean 0 points lost in the whole semester. 100%
I am beginning to think that "He" is going to let me do internet stuff for a living.
"He" has never let me close to it before.
Oh, I tried, but I got shut down always.
I think "He" knows that I would fall too easily.
But it seems as though there has been a major shift in "His" tolerance for me here.
I am no longer infattuated by the immorral stuff, haven't been for quite some time.
I think it hits everyone at some point.
They are working hard at finding us.
I am quite certain that you have seen it in your mail box too.
Here, excuse my soap box but "Just because we can doesn't mean we should" !
This generation needs to get a handle on it to a degree that we, the elder generation, have a hard time comprehending.
Just ask George, someone should tell him ...
Dated 9/22/2003
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As of Today:
I have put the links back.
I don't want the young , impressionable and bright futured college kids of today to be influenced by something like this.
I also don't think that I have any reason to hide my actual story.
I'm just telling it like it is. Honest to God !
I don't like or enjoy it but I feel like God doesn't want me to sit idley by and say Nothing.
Sorry I haven't been keeping up but I don't feel good and I am not sure if it is school, stressors, the bike ...
Could be this shit.
Once I get a handle on daily events and school I'll do better I promise.
Dated 9/15/2003
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As of Today:
I have removed all links to this page.
So if youre reading this, then you have saved me to your favorite places.
Thank You !
There is just No Way that I can let these kids close to this one.
Dated 9/10/2003
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Ok,So I think I should change my "Major" in school.
I am waiting till you stop laughing ...
Really, If I had known then, what I know now.
I could have used the information to help make a good decision about what major and schools.
I mean "Business", well heck fire,
could be the totally wrong thing to major in for someone with stressor stuff.
All the back stabbing, one-up manship, coattails,works the projects, brown-nosing. No Way !
So what would be good for me ?
Dated 9/08/2003
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So I got my test back, it wasnt bad but I made some real dumb mistakes. (follow directions)
Anyone else want to jump on here ?
Take advantage of the situation ? Hmmm? Anyone ?
I got to get ahold of Financial Aid !
They tried to put me on a "Stafford Loan" thing and I didn't want it and told them so,
but now I have this "pending" as listed. Huh ?
Shouldn't be anything here at all for any reason.
Gonna have to go push ...
Meanwhile I am trying to take a full load of classes.
I was hoping that things would be better by now ...
But I have been saying that for ummm .....
I see no sign of it to date.
Dated 9/07/2003
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All weekend I haven't felt good, even when the test was over with.
I thought I was going to get sick right in the midle of it.
Makes it hard to concentrate when you keep expecting to Bolt !
When my head hurts it starts right behind my left ear and runs down to my shoulders.
It sucks ...
I have been trying to figure out this video camera thing.
I really wanted Ryan to figure it out then just show it to me.
I'll use it for school events across the street.
I can do the Harley Davidson too !
Cool ...
Dated 9/04/2003
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Well, Tomorrow is Friday and I have a test at 11:00 AM.
Guess who is sick tonight ! Yup ...
Went and did my "throwing up" over by the trash cans, propper ...
See I think it is the stressors stuff again.
I would think that it would get better over time.
But it doesn't look that way to me now !
I hate this stuff ...
Ok I'm Sick Now ! I am going to bed, good night !
15 Min. Later:
So my system just did the "Purge" thing.
My ears are ringing, vision is wavey, eyes are watering, nose is running.
I hope I can make it to the test tomorrow !
Dated 8/22/2003
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Ok, The Harley - Davidson now has a name.
I really did try to think of some Christian name, but this one matches a Harley's Attitude.
Try this one on ...
Violator !
I violate speed limits, parking, noise levels, sidewalks ... gravity !
Not Bad, Huh ... let it grow on ya.
just say it a few times ...
Violator, Violator, Violator !
Cool !
The Harley is blue and silver (looks white), its a 1200 custom, I changed it around some.
The Boys gotta play with their Toys !
This one is a 2001 1200 Sportster .
Comming from the same year as 9-11 it deserves to be red, white, and blue !
Oh, Hey ! I should have them put the name on it with "Red". Oh, Yes !
Violator !
My Neuro Doctors don't like me on it.
Stress Levels, Exitement and Scared, Alert (keeps me sick)
I bet my therapy Doctor would say it is good for me.
Makes me use my left hand, my sense of balance, and raise my shoulders.
It's just if I get excited or scared or whatever, I go ...
"BBB -llaaa", all over !
Ooo, yuk !
Dated 8/21/2003
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I made the disclaimer page ...
Sorry, I just felt it was time.
Hey, I no longer need to unbutton my jeans to get out of them.
I went for a bike ride last night, I do so enjoy the night rides on the Harley.
Anyway this car in front of me squalled the tires and I got sick and had to stop.
Then came the headache, it was in back on the left side.
This was no little one and I took drugs when I got back home, whew !
Man, this sucks ...
Dated 8/20/2003
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Ok, so I was needing to talk with someone from church and I called and got Greg Telle on the phone.
I later find out he died from a heart attack sometime apparently Friday PM or Saturday AM.
We will miss him and I fear that this story may have contributed. I know ... but still.
Anyway, I gave him a brief overview over the phone and asked if we had anyone that is
or had been in similar situations and contacts.
I was thinking maybe Roberta. Greg said we had nobody and he volunteered .
I think Gregg was one of them that came to see me in Methodist Hsp.
I told him I wasn't comming around church because
I didn't want my people infected with this and I thought it was best to wait it out.
And now we see why !
He insisted and I went and told him this story on Tuesday at 2:00 PM. By 3:00 he was crying ....
and by Saturday he was dead.
Goodbye My Too Tall Friend ... God keep him close.
I had no idea that he had heart problems, had I known ... and he still volunteered !
He was the only person I have ever sat down and shared this with.
I shall be much more selective in the future.
Later:
I went back to church and asked Vince, Keith, and Scott Longyear
if we had anyone who had been brought back in another lifetime
to fight a battle that they did not want.
They all, so far, have said "Nobody, ...".
I'm sure there is somebody I can talk to, I just haven't found them yet.
Well, great ...
Dated 8/18/2003
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Updated note to Karen. Man, it has got to be hard.
My doctor changed my perscriptions on that last visit.
I was also told that would be getting blood work results in the mail, still hasn't happened.
My big concern today is with my kids.
I want them to know how much Dad misses them and how big of an effect is has had on me,
but put in perspective that would best influence them.
See "cause for concern" means "cause for comunication" in my book
but it can't happen some people seem to refuse to accept it.
Cause of all this shit.
Dated 8/17/2003
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So why would the Doctors wait 3 years to tell me what they knew ?
Could it be that they were afraid to cause a relapse ?
What other reason is there ?
So now I need to go see this Dr. again,
let him tell me everything he knows and tell him everything I know to date,
see if we can get on the same page.
He didn't like the idea of me riding a motorcycle at all !
So I guess this is the doctor that I should have been talking to all along.
There gets to be so many that you don't know which ones are important and wich ones are just one timers.
Dated 8/12/2003
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WTHI TV-10 6:00 News reports a computer virus running about vigo county.
Huh, ? ;0)
You boys up in Canada are so bad ! I don't want to know !!
Now I have Doctors saying ah,ah, ahh, we may not be able to save you next time.
And I have lieyers and judges saying "Oh, come out and play, we'll be good, honest" !
Lets look at this for a moment.
One group has done nothing but Lie for 11+ years and Kill me.
I don't look for anything to change, it never has.
And on the other hand I have my Doctors,
who helped save me and now warn me off about the others.
Which group would You listen to ?
Dated 8/06/2003
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So I was thinking ...
My Son is a "Drummer", or so rumor would have it.
I have never herd him hit a single drum. While I am guitarist.
We have Never Played Together.
I have played as long as I can remember. (Ha, another good one ).
Oh, hey. I did copy this photo of the Newspaper Article from the time I had the Appartment Fire.
Look at how this "fire" is described by those who are used to seeing this stuff.
"Act of God" or "member of 1 % = unexplainable" group.
I think Someone wanted My Attention and just to say
"Ok, I'm taking over here and you will be "Ok".
See that hole where my roof and ceiling should be ?
That is where I had all my divorice and business files and the likes.
And He just happened to pick this place, Huh.
Surrounded by trees three times its height.
See, He was working "behind the scenes" all along.
He neutralizes me.
Doesn't look like "Ok" to me.
It looks like "SUFFERING" !
And I am beginning to be "Ok" with it ...
So These are from Lifetime #1
Life Time 1 - The "My Life 1 document was around 1997-98 .
This was my attempt to find answers.
Or "put stuff to bed" in that time.
Some times seem innocent and unsuspecting. Cause they were.
As you will find to be true for all my stuff in its origin.
Always Dave looking for answers or Dave trying to put "stuff to bed".
My Appartment fire Newspaper Article
Dated 8/05/2003
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So I now need to return to "Purgatory" !
Yes, you read it correctly ..."Purgatory"
An Old Website of mine on AOL.
Go see what I was posting at the time.
At that time Purgatory is what this life seemed like to me.
Cause I didn't undertand a lot of things but knew they were going on .
I wanted to see my kids and was writting letters and stuff trying.
I didn't realize the "behind the scenes".
I know better now.
Added from the Index page 8/2/2003
"He" says I know all that I need to know.
"He" says I have seen all that I need to see.
"He" says "If you feel the need to write, then write."
"Does this mean the Grief is Over ?
or Over Soon ?"
Maybe I won't need to go back that far anymore.
Wow, This is gonna take time.
I am so scared that He is going to ask something of me ...
So "He" says this All Shuts Down ...
Whew, I was afraid that He was dragging me into America's First Online Trial !
And it still could be, I don't see what is comming.
But now What ?
I think "Someone should talk to Me ... in person."
They owe me that.
I'm beginning to feel like I should look elsewhere ...
Dated 8/04/2003
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No News other than the realization of the complete package ...
Dated 8/03/2003
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It is Sunday !
Church Day , gotta go update My People ...
Later:
I'm not sure if I should be preping for a Meeting or for a Talk Show !
Do I need a "Publicist" or a "Lieyer" ?
Lieyers are the biggest waste of time, money, effort, emotions ... that I have ever known.
Now I know why Jesus overturned the tables.
Just making such associations ...
makes me uncomfortable,
I am not worthy of any.
Ok, so it's about 4:00 PM here and my system just did "the Purge thing" again !
I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
This is probably it for the day.
Dated 8/02/2003
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I awoke around 4 AM drenched in sweat and feeling like all my neurons were firing at once ...
yup, I was sick again.
Man, I have got to figure this out !
So, I have started going back and adding to the content for clarity purposes,
Now while the same frame of mind is within close proximity.
Keep the earlier versions and add this one as revised.
Revision
So, I wonder what the Low Lifes are up to today.
I'm certain that they have "Doctored" their "Pack of Lies".
Gotta make it look like they were doing what they were supposed to.
I can hardly wait ...
Now Revised - 7/30/2003 Entries
Revised for clarity: 8/2/2003
Dated 7/30/2003
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Ok, so I am beginning to think along the "Overview and Sumary" Mindset,
and lets see if I am at the proper starting point.
Not only do you continue unill you Kill Me.
(doesn't that sound extreme enough ?)
And lets be clear "You forfeited any claim to David Stout # 2 when it is your game that killed the first one."
But when I do "Miraculously Survive", You still continue and know no end, till I end up back in the Hsp.
This message is it to (My Judge) or is it about (My Judge) ?
When I come back you not only allow "Her" to take advantage of my condition but you too participate.
All the while you still continue the same game
that killed me the first time and you make requests
that put me back in the emegency room.
And I keep trying on paper ...
Stupid Dave ...real stupid ...
And now you expect me to be able to continue ... really !
And right now the way I see it.
You might think I have it bad
but let me be clear,
"I wouldn't trade shoes with You for Anything".
Not after what you have demonstrated here.
You would Kill Me twice if He would let you !
Isn't that the way it appears ?
And I am to view this in what light, manner, fashion .... ?
Again, "What do I insert here ?"
How would You see it if it were you !
Not only will you kill with no reason,
but then you attack his gift, (that is how He's gonna see it)
Hey, nothings up to me, and it goes on .
You don't respect His stuff ...
Humanity ....
You boys know no restraint.
Because you refuse to exercise restraint, you do not know reasonable .
If you don't know reasonable then you are "unfit".
Incapable of performing up to standards.
I am so glad that this is not my call because if it were, I would have NO CHOICE
but to say "Raze the entire bldg. leave no stone ..., it is not what it claims to be."
Not a meire misrepresentation but a falsehood entirely.
When "every piece of paper is a lie".
Then it was never what it claims to represent, never.
You have incorporated it as if the system itself.
Me, I am only a tool, a gadge,
an instrument to take readings
and He has set me up so well ...
I don't make calls ... (not that I know of anyway )
I just hope He gives Me a Break !
This is the "might ask something of me"
that I fear most just because of what I have seen upon return.
Restraint is a part of reasonable.
"Just because we can doesn't mean we should."
so to no degree do you know any end.
I must be here just to show you how bad you boys have allowed things to become.
For No Better Reason ...
Than "What You Don't Know ...
I will give you "cause for concern".
And each of those have their roots in you boys ...
All but one.
"cause for concern" That equates to "cause for comunication" in my book.
Just for what you don't know ...
You hand me shit and He hands me credentials or solutions and you just go on ... and on ... and on.
For how long now ?
11 Years
Reasonable ?
Your system in no way resembles what it is claimed to be.
What it is meant to be.
This is an 'Aborition" an "Abomination" of the very system itself.
All the way up and down the pipe .
End Revision
Dated 7/29/2003
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Today was to be the day that I got Motivated about school and stuff ...
So far all I know is that I should go see my brother in the Hsp.
Mom too !
We will see how I feel afterwards.
Ok, I'm doing it ... I am going thru the steps ...
You Go Dave ...!
Later:
Man, every little thing is a hassle due to "didn't make the deadline".
(deadline ... bet I could think of one to use with this line)
Wow ! " I Did Mail " Well, most of it anyway !
And not only did I get most of it read but I did go and :
- Visit John.
- Call Voc. Rehab.
- Mail
Man, you guys ...
I was staring at a "Pile of Mail" with dates back into January.
First I had to sort it into piles by month. (lets see that makes 6, 7, ...
Then sort those into ascending order.
Then I could make them back into "1 Big Pile" and it's;
"Ok, ya wanna start at the top or start at the bottom ? Hmmm !"
Later:
Ok, so I don't feel so good now ... shit
Skip supper (only meal per day)
I'm going to bed now and will update tomorrow morning ...g n ..
This stuff is maybe earlier today : I'll look at it later ...
Wow, ya know ?
I almost feel up to trying my guitar
but I know what that will take out of me ...
I do need it !
Gonna sound like "Shit" ...
Well, Nope ... not ready.
( But Look Dave ... You forget about these guys and the day goes well !
Forget Them ....
All they are going to do is continue to lie to you.
So what does that tell you ? )
"Sounds like I know all that I need to know now ..."
"Now Wait a Minute, let me think ...Hey ! ! "
Dated 7/27/2003
I was feeling some motivation but I don't know where it went !
Must have got up and left without me.
I think I'm just tired ...
... of it All
Really it is just the same old shit ...
In 5 yrs. it will look the same. Smell the same ...
Later that Day:
Brother John J. Stout, was addmitted to Regional Hsp. ICU unit @1:00PM
Dated 7/26/2003
Yes, "I Have Mail" !
I am thankful that it was delivered seperate from daily mail,
which would leave it still on the floor.
I wouldn't know it was here.
I don't know what the boys expect me to do with it.
"Ok", So tomorrow I fire up the mail again,phone too" !
I'm gonna do it,
I'm gonna do it,
I'm gonna do it,
I'm gonna do it,
Gotta psych myself up !
I will spend all day monday getting school fired up too,
I hope I am not too late !
Man, I gotta be able to do this ! People deserve it ...
Dated 7/25/2003
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"Uncontrolled Hypertension"
Sounds like my license to be an "Ass Hole" !
Hey, ...
I'm just gonna work on layout today !
I really should consentrate on getting school up and running again but I don't feel up to it right now ...
Can you relate ?
I need to step back and focus here ... time.
So What is this Grief Bearing Document ?
When was it executed ?
At What point did it become nessisary ?
Who asks for it and from whom ?
So who "OK's" this?
Who ?
What ?
When ?
Stephen,
Have we ever discussed this ... What ever it is?, Humm?
NO !
I have "no prior knowledge" of any such document. None to date.
I have gone diving in after this one several times and I keep comming back with NUTHIN' !
Just Sick ...
NUTHIN' tells me that I have No Knowledge of it.
So Nobody told me of this at all, I've been "Ambushed", "Sucker Punched", "Blind Sided"...
Cute ...
Sometimes I come back with something, I try events, dates and stuff like that, but they prove to contain no value or be too vague, that is something else.
Shouldn' there be like an "exit package" from the system or something?
Hey, Am I Divoriced Now or What ?
That would be a good place to start !
Dated 7/24/2003
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Sorry, Been up sick all night long, hope it is not from doing this page ...Bettin' it is though.
I do have a question here. What happens when we take some peoples words to mean more than they ?
I mean we take it seriously, and it is not selective, I can feel bad about all of them.
But what then ? This is what happens then .. right here this !
This is what happens right here. Some people push it to here and then ...This I guess !
Dated 7/23/2003
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Here is a good one: Lets Put Him thru it "All for NUTHIN' " !
Gee, I wonder who thought this one up, ummm ... ?
And this is what "You Want Me to Report to Who ?" if asked ?
I don't like this one cause I know how painful it was to position me ... hard !
And the only thing ever said about a continue is "His",
I guess it is good to hear his sense of humor ...
He says to me once: "So would it really kill you to do me one more quick favor ?",
Man, I Lost it !
I've given No Answer to date.
Hey I know .... Let's just ignore it and hope it goes away !
"Hahahaha ! AHahahaha ! Man, this one really Kills Me !
Hahahahaha ! Hahahaha ! Shit ...
"He" Neutralizes Me and I'm guessing here ...
May want to know what I have seen upon return,
"Not Much Good, I'm Afraid,
Not Much at All,
Sad really" ...
This is what I would Say to Ryan today !
In a courtroom setting ?
Wouldn't want to but if I had too.
Oh,oh, My Stomach is Going ... I'm getting sick now ...
Ok, I'm back for a second, now see I get sick and feel terrible, everything takes extra effort.
My system just purges itself ! Forceful !
I'm like, sick and tired of being sick and tired ...
Page may get updated later or tomorrow ...
Dated 7/22/2003
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Oh Great ! It's 5:20 AM and guess who is up Sicker than Shit ?
I am guessing here but I bet it is cause I found some of their shit in my "Fucking Mail" yesterday !
So now the whole system is shut down again ...
Fuck, how many times have I been thru this?
So I guess I will go down there and hand deliver their unopened mail and tell them to "Stop Infecting my fucking mail !" (again)....
I am not going to be able to make the appointment now... Fuck!
Also added Today:
This turns out so far to me, seems to me to test some Others !
I think they have failed Miserabley !
Truely Saddens My Heart !
Here is where I shall begin when I get back from "um... delivering mail".
I gotta let them know what they are doing.
"He" Neutralizes Me and then wants to know what I have seen upon return,
Not Much Good, I'm Afraid, Not much at all,
Sad really" ...
Dated 7/20/2003
Ok, so I made an appointment with Stephee L. Trueblood (He is the one who taked me into believing my judge and taking the deal I never got.)
I don't think I can make it there ... Would I be considered an accomplice if I coopertated with them ?
I don't like it and don't believe it either. I can't continue to force myself to believe anything these lying rat sons a bitches say anymore.
I don't think I can contribute or conform or what ever you want to call it ...
You know... I think I am the only one in the room that day that tried to uphold his end of the deal at all.
I think someone is taking full advantage of the present situation for me. Ya Think ?
Oh no, That would be out of character
My Attorney- (shoot, he lies to everyone ...)
He talks me into the deal I never got with stuff like:
- "You should take this deal." Ha, never should have cause I never got it.
- "It's the least you will ever get." (Vigo County Guidelines) NOT ! It would be the most I ever got, If I ever got it !
- "And it gets this overwith, wich is what you want isn't it ?" Hell is Not Overwith, 11 years later !
Ex-Psycho Bitch - ( We all know she NEVER not once, )
Judge - He is the one that I believed and it killed me !!
"Yo, Dave!"- "They set them up this way, get a clue !"
Let me be clear here.
"She is my Monster" and I can't hide it when the Doctors are now the ones pointing.
I have always said "If the boys just fix it I can deal with this".
This stuff just keeps getting handed to me ...
"But these boys are the ones that created her. As soon as they said "per Vigo County Guidelines", shit never happened.
Hey, check this out ...
- She yanks my son off my T-Ball Team.
I am team staff and we ask if there would be volunteeers to change teams before the league starts so we can balance things out, cause my team has way too many kids signed up for it. And she takes mine.. Reasonable? I don't think any parent would consider removing some of the caching staffs kids.
- She gives me the last 12 hours before new owners take posession of the house to get my stuff (30 days after closing)
- "The Only thing I'm going to agree with is to disagree". Oh, surprise of surprises!
- I promised my son when he was about 8 - 9 yrs old that "I would not let her push me away" and now these guys are doing it for her !
- This stuff is always the same ...
She comes in pointing and acussing and blameing for her collection of evidence .(wich is no more than a compilation of my continued efforts at reasonable).
The only thing I am guilty of is thinking that it is over ! and proceeding in that fasion. Let my guard down and see ...
She classifies it her way, and presents it totally inacurate and disguised.
Then when I walk in"pre-judged" and explain all this in the propper light. They find that the picture is not at all what they would have ... preconsived notions.
Ask Dr. Glenda Stokwell.. Dr.sumpin "psych..."
I would say "ask Family Dis-services", they watched it happen once right there in the office. I don't think they want to say though.
- But because she gets there first, I am considered guilty until I can explain and as long as she can hold it where I never get to ... then she wins by default right ?
- All you will ever find on me is "cause for concern", which in my book equates to "cause for communication".
It never happens cause she won't let it . Not words, not letters, not any way.
- Shoot she shut down my possible e-mail capabilities when I gave my son a computer, by blaming me... here we go again...
- She used this page once against me ... "That is when I did the "leather and Lace Shop" thing.
- So these guys will sing praises to how I should expect "reasonable" heck better than "reasonable:
a "professionaly trained edgucator" with care, concern, compassion, educator, leads by example" .
Her example is to come to this page (which is on MY SITE ) and look till she finds something she doesn't like then proceeds to use it against me.
What would she expect to find on MY SITE, anything that would incriminate me is what she is looking for, as always, but if I said on my site and I am not "Oh, boo- hoo it is all my fault and I was so wrong ..."!
Do you think that would satisfy her ? NO !
And she knows that is not what she would find.
- I would think that the best 3 things to teach our kids about use of the Internet is:
- Self-discipline.
Just because we can doesn't mean we should.
- Self- Control
- Restraint
- Who do we try to filter ? (the kids)
- To be honest with you guys ... "I think she took my kids and left town."
- Gut Feelings ...
Really this stuff is nothing, I can go and go and go on and on and on ! - Man, I have got to walk away here ...
Dated 7/19/2003
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So I just couldn't leave it alone. But I am thinking here ... This might also explain why I still can't get a full days activities into a day.
I mean I can't take a full load of classes at school. I just thought it was cause I was slow in the present condition.
I would hit every study group, every practice and my homewoork is good !, Over 3 classes and everything just falls apart.
Stress got so bad over the last holidays ... (I really thought it was going to happen. What Dave? Death or Getting the Kids?) either ..
I tried to drop all my classes, I was in bad shape. I really feel bad too... because this is "Societys Contribution".
This shows some of their contributions. All are unidirectional, focused, deliberate and positive.
Shoot they funded the schooling because they said it had not been done before but would, if that is what everyone else wanted, as he threw his pencil spinning into the air.
I know someone who would claim to be societys conscience but they are wrong. So wrong ...
Cause their shit goes the other direction.
I can see being out of step with todays society, we have picked up and moved so far, so fast, nobody could keep in step all the way but that is no excuse for what I am describing here ...
Ok, back in school, if they say "test" or "assignment due" ... Thats it I'm sick, I can wake up puking at 5:00AM and I always felt that the best sleep was around then. Go figure.
I used to schedule trips to the grocery store and I never got there. All I got was sick and thought well, I wouldn't need any groceries, they just come back up.
I eat once a day now, around 6 but at times closer to midnight.
Heck, I bought a motorcycle cause I couldn't get any Insurance for 4 wheels but I could get motorcycle insurance when I asked I also offered to pay it all up front.
This took out 1 of 2 variables. 1= Driving Record 2 = Payment that is it. So I got a bike and insured it thinking that if I can get insurance for a year then they will pretty much have to add a vehicle. Wouldn't they ?
I buy this bike and I never rode it before I bought it and one condition was "he had to deliver it". I bet he thought I was Nuts, Not riding it first, But I could tell what was about to happen and I am not sure if it was excitement or scared or GRIEF.
It took 3 days yup, count them 3 days to even get on it while it was running. I was puking my guts up ! Right next to the Driveway. Ha, bet the neighbors liked that view, "Ooo yuk, what is that stuff, banana pudding, hum."
Hey, I once weighed in at 187 all muscle and stout. Now I have to fill my pockets with quarters and put on my boots to make 140.
I look like "Death Warmed Over", Hahaha There is another good one for me.
Dated 7/18/2003
Ok, I need to walk away for a few and refocus !!!
Dated 7/18/2003
Ohh, Man,... Only entry today is : "I believe in my Judge and with this he murders me.
Oh, these heartless bastards ! They set it up like this ...(or so I am told)"
I find it hard to believe that this would continue to this day.
I can't even force myself to co-operate or contribute in any fashion now ...
Feeling I would be contributing to my own MURDER !
THIS CONTINUANCE IS ATTEMPTED MURDER !!!
These sons a Bitches .. Oh, OOh !"
Heck I probably just put the finish on what they had already determined, completed the circle ...
Ah, so now I begin to see the more complete picture.
Seeing how this is my first question and also what I was dealing with both times.
So it could be that they all know and are waiting for me to find out.
Well if this is true then then this continuing, cercumstances unchanged, is "ATTEMPTED MURDER" any way you look at it !,OH Fucking Shit !
Oh Fuck Me ! This is such an Aborition, an Abomination of the system itself!
I mean if they set it up so that "every piece of paper to him is a lie" (this is what I am told) and it is true in my case too,
then that means the judge is lying from the start !!
Judges have standards don't they?
Don't they take an oath or something like it when they take the office?
GOD of Mine ...son!
Dated 7/17/2003
Oh, man I can hardly believe it, it is so hard to even fathom ...I mean that:
If they did do what they were suposed to do then the "Family Services" people would already know ...
(I call them Family Dis-services).
I mean people knew what I was doing, I have always said so ...
I didn't think any big deal of it cause I thought the Dr.s knew what they were doing ...
Wasn't any of my concern, outside my domain completely. I didn't even comprehend.
I was buisy learning to walk and keep my balance and all kinds of just Fun stuff.
Believe me, you do not wake up Fully Alert and ready to Play Cards ! (or these games).
It is a Long Gruelling Road for sure .
I bet if you talk to the Healthsouth Hsp. people they will say if they could determin anything.
They know what my responses were to all types of situations and scenarios. I awoke under their care.
Ask Angie Winchester, she will know, I was her case ! ...
Oh Man ... Family Services what a railroad job ... I bet they didn't even talk to any of my people ...
They made such a big deal out of needing Dr. Info ..oooo, son of a bitch ...
Ok, so lets assume that they did talk and knew ...
"THEN THIS CONTINUANCE IS ATTEMPTED MURDER" !!!
Oh,These Murderous Rat Bastard Sons a Bitches !!!!!!
Please contribute here or e-me Dave@davidstout.net, thanks and God Bless.
Maybe I should add links to my guestbook and messageboard here.
Dated 7/16/2003
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"Ok, so when my Dr. walks in, I plain point blank ask him:
"If 10 - 11 years of unresolved grief could be the cause of the blood pressure and anyeurism ?
And could it also be the cause of the second trip to the Emegeny Room ?"
I ask him this because after all these trips and Dr.s offices and drugs, all they tell me is:
"Uncontrolled Hypertension - No Medical Reason".
So I am still looking.
Understand that this is the first time I have seen him after their "no medical reason" determination.
He tells me :
"Oh,certainly, and is probably so because you are asking" .
"And we had suspected such ..." I cut him off ! "What?!"
"OH,!!
"Grr ... ^%$#@%$&" !!
Dr. ****** ***** here in Terre Haute ... (oops, was I suposed to do that ?)
I had to explain the second "Emergency Room Visit" because he hadn't seen me after that one.
"You have got to be Kidding Me !!
You mean to tell me that this constant and unending grivious bull is what killed me ?
And it continues to this day ?"
(because the harder I try the worse it gets?)
It is not humanly possible to try any harder than I have done to this point ...
Tell me it isn't so..."
Good old nieve Dave tries so hard to believe in his people...
and they will let me down to the point that it Kills Me before they will make it right.
So now it is My Turn ...
Understand Please that there have been lots of tragic events! All have their roots in the same place.
All are events, they have a begining and an end.
This Shit right here has No End ! 11 years of unending constant shit.
These Murderous Lying Rat Bastard SOBs and Psycho Bitch !
Cut from the same mold both Know no restraint and no end, absolutely unreasonable!
A Deadly combination for sure !
To Continue is:
Systematic, Dereliction of Duties,Voluntary Manslaughter at the least !
No shit and it continues to go on to this day?
You people have "NO RIGHT" to Dave #2 (or what ever number) after you have killed the other one ...
And you expect me to be able to revisit this grief stricken era ?
No Wonder .. Ooh, oh!
I have seen Nothing that I can relate to and Nothing worth the trip !!
So just Forget it !!!
Hel. I can't even get my mail, for the past several months because they have infected it .
I had to have a friend come over and sort it for me ... OH, ...
"Oh, My GOD ! ..... Why hast thou forsaken ..."
Ooh, And they think that I can continue to play their games?
Well Dave can't come out and play because you guys will Kill Me !
"In-humane", "Cruel and Unusual","Dispreportionate" !!
I so far am unable to even participate but NOW armed with this new knowledge !! And my mail up and running ...
"OH, My GOD ..."
"understand that it is one thing for Dave to have his suspisions and another to have years of Dr.s now telling me ..."
Oooh, son ...MY God !!
Now it is My Way and that is it ! Period.
Oh, I'll turn in my vote right here and now ...
I SWEAR TO GOD !!
I am completely and 100% (not 10 or 50 or 76% but 100% victim of this system and I will Prove it !!
But they know this Dave they set it up this way ... really?
"God and Heaven come ..."
OOhh -
I want my Business back...
I want my Ranch back ...
I want my Life back ...
I want my Health back ...
I want my Past that I can't relate to or even revisit back ...
I want my Future back .. I was going into local politics at age 48 when the business would be paid off ...
Oh, son of a Bitch, these cocksuckers ... can kiss my ... settle down Dave ...
I WANT TO SEE MY KIDS NOW !!!
And the things HE now asks... no, tells me to do ...
and I don't agree with them all, I am not perfect ... I don't have to be ...
man I can hardly believe it, it is so hard to even fathom ...I mean that:
Dated 6/28/2003
"Happy Birthday Leah" !
Dad misses you !
Today I had better keep buisy ...
So I'll spend the day working on a back pattio or portch, whatever !!
Don't talk to me ...
I'm pissed.
Dated 3/8/2003
Ok, so this seems stupid but I, as of March 8, 2003, am refusing to cut my hair to show how much I miss my kids.
And I need it bad, this could get real ugly ! My hair has a mind of its own !
The longer I go with out seeing my kids the longer my hair gets ... (ooo, yuk ) !
I guess that I feel like I need to show how much I miss 'em .
Dated 3/7/2003
Oh, I'm pissed ...
I stopped by Ryan's school to say "Happy Birthday" !
First I went to the wrong school ...
Thats how long it has been, honest.
So I say to contact the other school and I will go there and I thanked them,
and told them to watch for "Leah" next...
"She can do it all !"
"She's a great girl ... My baby gurl !"
So then I go to the correct school and there are 3 guys waiting for me in the office ...
Great, must be bad news.
So they surround me and tell me that I am not on the "visitors list" for him !
Gee, I wonder who makes this list ! Ha !
My only comment was "Well, because it is my Kids I do appreciate how the system works but it Saddens me to see how it is used ..., And now it is time for me to go."
No big scenes or anything.
I should have climbed up on my soap box and laid into them ...
But I didn't ...
I guess I planted seeds.
So now I am not cutting my hair !
The longer I go without them the longer my hair gets !
Ooo, yuk!
Previous Writtings:
Top
You know... If you are not into "leather and lace" should you enter a "leather and lace" shop then complain about being surrounded by it?
I guess all the other customers in the shop would think you are Nuts !
Or would reasonable be to walk on past the store and pay it no mind.
Knowing that it offers nothing that you want. Or would only contain things you find offensive.
You know... I can't for the life of me ( ha there is another one. cool ) remember being tried and convicted and sentenced to 10 years for anything !
I don't remember being sentenced to "Death" for anything !
When I enter my "Black Cloud" era all I come back with is worthless paper and lies, sicker than a dog. Nothing worth the trip for sure.
No dates of any value. No Nuthin' !
The hypertension stuff kicks in when I get near this time frame and makes me ill. I guess, it seems to make itself apparent over time.
Another one of Gods little designs.
He is Soo Good !
Dave's Favorites:
Top
One favorite saying here is "From Now till the Day I Die !" !
( Again ...)
My fav saying here is "You Guys just Kill Me "!
( Yup, You ! Pack of "Murderous" ************* ! Ok, Prayer Wariors give me heck over this one.)
Or No how about this one...
Things "I am just dying to Know" !
(Wow, That ones Killer- ha ha ;] )
How about this one ... "For the rest of my natural born days" !
That was a while back !
Hey, here is a good one..."Till Death Do Us Part" Ha ha ha ( Like that really worked ) I wish !
Man, I tried that and it didn't Work ! Hahahaha ! Some people will try Anything ! Ha ha ha !
Man, ya gotta love this stuff, ha it just kills me ! (oops there I go again ...)
This was only to give my Prayer Warriors a place to begin. A starting point to tell the full story as God would have it.
But as the story goes then I too should continue the development as I look, learn, and listen. Just trying to find answers here .
I need to remain Open and Responsive for Him !
There is so much to this and all is so entwined. Things that I am now aware of, while previously I had no idea.
*** (Prayer Warriors, we start here.) ***
Point of origins. Such a formidable undertaking, going from "then" to "now" ! Sorry, wish I had more for us,nothing else available.
Help ! I need a positive spin here and am desperate !
Remember your passwords and help me take the "raw" to the "finished product".
Please nunber your dated Revisions mailed to Me. Bless You Guys and "Thanks" so Much !)
So: THIS MUST BE "HIS" PLAN !
Dated 3/8/2003
Ok, so this seems stupid but I, as of March 8, 2003, am refusing to cut my hair to show how much I miss my kids.
And I need it bad, this could get real ugly ! My hair has a mind of its own !
The longer I go with out seeing my kids the longer my hair gets ... (ooo, yuk ) !
I guess that I feel like I need to show how much I miss 'em .
After several years of asking "God" what it is that he would like me to do with this new life he has granted to me,
I have come to realize that He is not going to "tell" me but He is bringing it straight at me.
My attitude remains pretty much wide open to what ever when ever His influence directs at the time,
totally unplanned or rehearsed, and this scares me. To leave myself so wide open !
I'm not sure that I can handle as much as He obviously thinks I can, this too scares me.
Ahh ! "Ye of little Faith" ya,ya, I know but still ...
Just tell me and "I'm giving 110%" remains my choice !
It's not just a Blessing but a Responsibility also.
I do carry some Awsome Credentials that no one can question. Only the Foolish ...
I don't think God would put me here to let me die before I get done what ever it is he wanted.
God has a very unique way of getting situations to arise that we try all efforts to avoid...
and He gets His way !
Of couse, as He well should, who am I to even question ?
This is my calling to date.
I guess that when it seems that no one else is on your side, you can always have no doubt that He IS.
Obviously in a second, third ... etc. life times. Guess I know who to be sidding with !
I guess I only go willingly to a point . Like not scarry !
"Ok, I need to rest now ..." Much much more to come. Maybe this is in His plans, who knows ...
Oh, so much ...
C-ya !
2002:
I am considering doing a piece on the "Life after Death" experience.
It is just going to be so hard to do it justice in its expression so as that the reader might get a true sense of it !
2001:
You know what ? I am begining to believe that I have the begining of a "Book" or maybe a "Journal" as such.
The story just keeps comming as life goes on. But what would make mine any different than any other... ?
Absolutely Astounding !
Dated : Yesterday
One day I would like to try my guitar again ...
I wonder if I can still swim, or do back flips off the diving board.
Haha, probably stand there and puke all over everyone in line. Cute ...
Oh, just forget it Dave, like skydiving, scubadiving, singing again, my commercial drivers liscense, my ranch, my business, seeing my kids ...
Ha .... Judge Wannabe ...
Your brother in Webdom,
Dave Stout
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